Don't judge me. You have no idea of the heartache and disappointment I've endured in past relationships. To now, after all these years, find everything I've always wanted, and to experience things I didn't even know were possible, is pure bliss.
Love grabbed me today and I am giddy.
I bought a Dyson.
Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
You must understand that I am not one to go gaga over household appliances. And ones intended for some sort of cleaning purpose? I just don't see the point. My housecleaning skills are abysmal and I've never seen how a machine could improve an activity that is mostly a nonstarter in my house.
But, our old vacuum died. Gave up, really. 2 boys, 2 cats, a non-shedding Old English Sheepdog who never got the memo about the non-shedding part, and 2 parents who are too tired to do much about the debris they leave in their wake, equal a house that will make the hardiest of vacuums cry. We did not have the hardiest of vacuums as I didn't believe in spending any sort of money on something intend for the act of cleaning. Thus, the $30 quick vac that was asked to clean up after us burnt up its own engine just to escape.
For the past 2 weeks, we've been without a vacuum and the situation hit desperate. A dear friend (Lesley, this is all your fault) told me about her Dyson. She tried to get me to take it home. Like any good pusher, she knew that one hit and I'd be a goner.
I cracked. I had that moment we all experience from time to time when the little voice says, but what if this THING really makes my life better? What if it changes EVERYTHING and I start to be one of those people with a CLEAN house?
After such moments I am always left disappointed and feeling cheated. Promises are never fulfilled.
Until today. OMG. LOVE. Pure and simple.
It glides. Glides across my floor as if to say, don't worry, I got this, you relax. As it glides, it sucks up a level of dirt that is impressive even in our house.
It does not make the dog insane. This is huge. I cannot fully explain how huge this is. Tessa is insane when it comes to vacuums. She literally attacks them. Foaming at the mouth, she lunges in and grabs the hose. If she can't get the hose, she gnashes her teeth against the body of the thing, leaving a trail of doggie slime. (Who wouldn't love vacuuming when being chased by a rabid beast?) The Dyson whispers to her lovely calming things, that make her sit quietly nearby.
It has a wand. That works. That thingy that you put attachments on and it's suppose to help you clean the drapes? It works! I dusted my entire living room with it. The dust came off! Actually came off. We have wooden beams running along the ceiling in our living room. For the almost 8 years we've lived here, dust has settled in those beams. Every other wand thingy I have tried only leaves more dust up there, hanging over our heads. The Dyson CLEANED THE BEAMS.
The cord does not tangle and goes where I want to go. Honestly, you wouldn't think that would be a hard thing to engineer. But it is. I have lost many a battle against vacuum cords. This one cheerily followed along behind me. I'd give a tug and it would pop right along.
I didn't sneeze once. Not once. Vacuuming usually puts me into a fit of dust allergy misery. I think the air is cleaner now.
Oh, and check this out. I did not have to touch the dirt.
You press the lever, and,
a magic door drops open on the bottom, releasing a disgusting, yet oddly satisfying amount of dirt. (Yes, I know, the amount of dirt shown above is truly awful. But, the point is that it is no longer in my house!)
Nirvana.
I'm taking my new love to the shop tomorrow. Watch out fiber dust.